The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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