Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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