So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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