why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
