??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize