I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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