ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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