Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
