I'm jealous of your bromance
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
