Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
my shit smells like andre
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
