I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Oh god it's open bar.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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