i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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