Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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