I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
