i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
