If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She's like a pop up book from hell.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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