The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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