It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
