a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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