Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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