Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
