THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
