my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
