Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
