She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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