I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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