1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
