I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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