If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Randomize
