ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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