Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
