he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
