u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
