she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
