what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
