I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
