I think I died a long time ago.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
