There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
