Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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