roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I still have a little drunk in my system
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
