By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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