carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize