I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
