I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
