Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
