After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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