O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize