i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
