Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
3 2 1 whiskey
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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