I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
