I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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