I just made out with a guy for $7.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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