He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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