How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
