i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
