We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize