I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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