pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
These tits shall not be calmed
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize