i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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