Its about making memories worth repressing
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize