my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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