Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
