The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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