I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
