I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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