If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Randomize
