question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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