there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
