My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
