she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
