ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
