it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
